10 NSFW Crochet Pattern Roundup

Welcome to our first ever crochet pattern roundup! This week, we’re on the lookout for…

NSFW CROCHET PATTERNS

For anyone who doesn’t know me – I’m Monica Fox! I design crochet patterns with my sister in Adelaide, South Australia. We crochet for fun and to help other neurodivergent crafters/beginners learn how to read patterns.

What I love to design and make more than anything else are funny, ridiculous, and adult-themed patterns that bring a little bit of laughter and joy into this depressing world.

In this pattern roundup, I’ve included some recommendations from the crochet community, our own patterns, and patterns I am jonesing to make!

Ever wanted to rest your weary head on a nice, big pair of boobies or a thick bum?

Well, why not crochet your very own Human Body Pillow with the pattern by Reina Crochets?

Reina has lots of fun booty patterns on her Ko-Fi shop as well as a free buttplug pattern that has been super popular!

Facebook: Reina Crochets

The Sapphic Granny Square pattern has been on my to-make list for ages!

WomanWalkingaWire is well-known for her inventive granny square patterns. She also designs amigurumi and tapestries.

Want a blanket of hot dogs, peens, or even pentacles? Look no further, mate! Follow her on socials for cool ideas on how to use her patterns.

Facebook: WomanWalkingaWire

Number 3 on the list is our very own Emotional Support Penis pattern!

This little guy is one of 3 (there’s also a boob and a muff) in the Naughty Bits Emotional Support Bundle.

The pattern comes with two versions – beanie and helmet.

The punny little tags are included in the pattern and come in 3 sizes to suit different yarns. 

Another pattern that I have been admiring is the Big F-ing Blanket by Maizee FiberWorks!

I am a big fan of Overlay Mosaic, and I’ll take any excuse I can get to crochet swear words.

Maisee Fiberworks also has a hilarious Swear A Lot Blanket with my favourite curse word of all time – can you guess which one it is?

Facebook: Maizee FiberWorks

Okay, this Titty Frog is one of the best things I’ve ever seen in yarn. It’s so bizarre that I actually made one for myself a while back (and gifted it to my sister).

The Titty Frog is based on a meme that was going around years ago. Go to Woolly Rhino Craft’s website to read the story and make a mammary amphibian of your own.

Ko-Fi: Woolly Rhino Crafts

Of course, we had to have some Craftivism on our list!

The Fuck ICE Tapestry by Indigo Madness combines a funky font with an important message. All proceeds from the sale of this pattern go to communities affected by ICE raids.

This pattern could be used for all kinds of different crafts and projects.

Facebook: Indigo Madness Designs

This squishie peen has been doing the rounds in crochet groups for a while!

Teddie the Tissue Holder by Chubbie Girl Crochet is the perfect pattern for when you want to crochet a penis… but you also want it to be useful.

I never fail to chuckle when I see these cum tissues on my screen.

Facebook: Chubby Girl Crochet

Willy warmers… the perennially popular pattern. 

For some reason, people love to make these for Christmas gifts. 

This is our version – the One Eyed Willy Warmer. Yes! It can be worn (if that’s something you want to do – we’re not judging). 

Again, the pattern includes the option for beanie or helmet. 

While not something you might traditionally think of as NSFW, I found this absolute gem trolling through the Mature category on Ravelry, and I had to include it on our list!

The Trump Dump by  Rebecca Skinner is not only hilarious (with a scarily accurate butthole mouth), but it also caused Trump supporters to absolutely crash out in the Ravelry comments.

Imagine making these to throw into the lawn of the White House.

Facebook: Oh Stitch Please

Last, but certainly not least, is this little Vagina (Vulva) pattern by Gato Fu!

The pattern is free and available on their website in two languages.

My sister is obsessed with vag art, so I am making one of these for her tonight!

Instagram: Gatu Fu